These days I'm a tired man, literally. I'm one of those who can't really function unless I get at least 8 hours of sleep and for the past month I'd be lucky to get 6-7 hours. Such is the reality of work life in Singapore. Actually, I'm really not in a position to complain; in fact from a logical point of view, I couldn't have landed in a better environment to start my career.
I've got a great boss, who's working for an even more inspiring boss. My colleagues are all genuinely nice folks, and they've been so patient with me as I slowly learn the ropes. The project I'm involved in would certainly come across to most as exciting and full of adventures. Indeed, there're so many aspects regarding the project (such as setting up a JV, negotiating, operations, financial modeling) that I now have the privilege to be exposed to, and really get my hands dirty working on them. Of course I'm fast becoming the "sai kang" boy in the office, but I absolutely agree that all these trainings will be good for me, as my boss keeps telling me that learning the basics is absolutely required to be a good manager. He is really spending efforts to groom me, just as many others in the company have come to given me opportunities to learn because of the management trainee program I'm enrolled in. I feel that I don't deserve their attention, but am very grateful that I have all these support and advice.
But despite all these, I feel that something is amiss. Perhaps it's really too early to tell, because I'm only barely one month into it, but somehow, the kind of passion that had driven to do all the things I've done in the past is somehow missing. This is by no means a result of the environment I'm in (which frankly speaking couldn't have been a better place to learn), but purely my own internal psychological struggle that for some reasons, the sheer drive that used to make me feel invincible and hence have the courage to dream big is not really there. I guess the best possible explanation for all these thoughts is that I haven't found the meaning in my job that I can truly relate to yet. My sense of responsibility towards the tasks "arrowed" to me give me just enough energy to carry them out, but the passion or rather the desire to do something extraordinary is not quite there.
Perhaps it's the pace that we're moving in the project, and the sheer volume of work to execute and info to digest. There's hardly any time to really stop and reflect, let alone be creative with my work. Those who know me would know that I really pride myself as the guy who can always come up with some whacky ideas. To be true, I've come up with a few since I started work but the zealous daydreaming I used to have whenever I come up with a new idea don't really happen anymore.
I think the bottom line is that I really need to manage my time. I guess it's understandable that I'm new and hence quite slow in executions. But I must make sure that I get my fair amount of rest, get sufficient time to keep reading and getting updated on news outside of my work (my 200+ rss feeds!), keep a close watch on my health and spend sufficient and quality time with my family and Tammy.
I also need to be more patient with myself when it comes to coming up with ideas in my work place. After all it's hard to think outside the box when I don't even know the boundary of the box.
Anyways, i'm getting really sleepy...zzzz...more thoughts on work life next time~